Master Plan

So this is part of my master plan. I found this piece of software, I forget the name. You can expand branches and group things. So I spent most of easter doing this plan. This is just the website part, there is a much bigger plan that this is just one part of.

So now I get down to actually DOING the plan.

And to be honest, it's all a bit daunting and is it realy worth it?

Will it be a success after all the work?

It fucking better be!!!

n.b. click on the picture to see it in it's full glory....

Outside the Box

I have 6 tracks that I recorded at an acoustic gig I played last week. I used my lovely Rhode NT1 plugged into my portable minidisc and the quality is stunning. Therefore after a little tweaking I will release them for digital download by Xmas on good old iTunes as I did with "Life is a River"

It's about a year since I released "Life is a River" and to be honest I made about £150 profit from it and I'm pretty chuffed considering I wrote and played all the songs myself and recorded them in my spare room. 

Now you are all smart creative folk (aren't you?) what I would appreciate are your ideas to help publicise this album. Interesting viral marketing type ideas and publicity stunts.

If you know me then you will know that I'm pretty shameless when it comes to whoring myself round this great web of ours so I'm not going to whimp out of anything due to any shyness.

I did a special mix a few years ago of old People tracks preceded by a snatch of dialogue from Pulp Fiction. It sounded pretty natty and as I didn't inflict it on the world there were no messy copyright issues. I could go down a similar road this time and use some other spoken word. I could even hang the copyright stuff and hope for some publicity. There is no such thing as bad publicity eh Charlie?

I'm a bit handy at editing video so I could make a film for the tube of you

I did want to put up a witty and pertinent youtube vid but decided to treat you all to probably one of the best vids I've ever seen.

So throw me a bone, you've had great ideas before, share a few. 

I don't have a name for this album yet nor any ideas for the cover.

So let your imagine fly and aid me in giving up my day job.

Catch Up

The Edge of the Wedge Southsea.....is a nice little bar. I played there before earlier this year and loved the place. It's situated on the main drag in the seaside bit of Portsmouth next to The Wedgewood Rooms. It had changed a bit since I had last played there. It had more sofas and it was dark outside. Not the bars fault obviously just the time of year. I was given the choice of when to go one and decided on the second slot. There were 3 acts on (supposedly, I'll get to that) so the second slot was the obvious choice. The first guy could soften them up (the audience), I come on and blow their minds and then the poor sap coming last has to "follow that!". Yes, cold and calculating, that's me.

The first guy came on and did a good fluffing job for me. Then I hauled myself out of one of the many sofas ( they really are very comfy) plugged in and was good to go. I was a little apprehensive as I had decided to do my quiet, ballad rip your heart out songs and the place was pretty noisy. It was a youngish audience and there were a few characters at the bar who looked like they might not take to songs about unrequited love, prostitutes the odd Jeff Buckley cover.

Also, just as I was about to start the entire bar erupts into a cheer as a be-spectacled figure walks in with a guitar case nodding, exchanging back slaps and pleasantries with pretty much everyone in the place. It then dawned on me (quick see that's me) that these were ALL his friends. They had ALL come to see him. He soon collected a little posse of smokers who would, en masse, troupe outside for a smoke and more backslaps throughout my set. 

However, they loved it or rather they loved me. They were quiet and attentive throughout my set, applauded and cheered in the right places  and were more than happy as I pimped my cards and cds after my set.

I then realised that my decision to go second was a good one. Mr Popular came on and played a short (15 mins or so) set of tunes on his Uke  that he had written 20 years since and were known by the entire bar, as they were all his friends (remember? Hope you're keeping up).  Funny, witty and not too far away from the great George Formby whose wife Beryl is a bit of a hero of mine. Next up was another friend of the audience who, guitar in hand, went on to please the audience. All this, coupled with the comfy sofas, had the feeling that we were at a house party thrown in a strangers house.

By the time yet another "mate" had taken the mic we thought it was time to leave. It was all very good but yet another private joke laden set was too much for us by then and we (Mrs Nick, Bill & Lisa ) disappeared into the night

This was just before all my Winchester gigs so a nice little warm up it was. 

Not like Chaplins last sunday, oh christ no.......

Whoop De Fucking Do....

"Hi Everyone
Thanks to all the people who turned up for the open auditions onSaturday – over a thousand of you attended and we're glad wemanaged to see everybody who came.
The quality on the day was very high and you made it tough for usto decide who to put through. Unfortunately, if you haven't heard from us yet then you didn't get through to the next stage, but wereally appreciate all the effort you made to come along.
We've plenty more things to entertain you coming up on the site –so make sure you stick with us. There'll be a gig zone to promoteyour music and increase your exposure, competitions to win mobilephones and other prizes, exclusive previews of the show and behindthe scenes content, Alex Zane's blog and Alex James' photo diary.
Check out the website later today for photos and a full report ofthe day.
Orange unsignedAct"



I think I'll leave it now eh?

I did a bad bad thing.....

I have a confession to make.

In a moment of weakness, I have entered a competition....

To make it worse it has “Unsigned” in the title.

Yes, yes I know but it looked so pretty and Jo Whiley is involved!!

It’s the “Orange Unsigned Act” competition, Mrs Nick and I sat and watched it last year, it was part of our Sunday mornings dammit! This year they are opening it up to singer/songwriters. I may rant later about That tag!

The prize being, I feel as ashamed as Fern Britain munching a hob nob, a record contract a fucking record contract!!

I don’t even want a fucking record contract, honest I don’t.

Ok, cards on the table. I am a middle aged white male. I write songs, good songs. I play guitar, pretty well ok pretty fucking well. I sing, I have been told I have a great voice, I KNOW I have a great voice, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to stand up in front of a room full of strangers and perform. The only way I will ever bother the charts is if someone else sings one of my songs. I’m very ok with that as the idea of fame and celebrity appals me. I DO want to make a living out of music don’t get me wrong, but on my terms. I want to write for other people, play on people’s songs, and produce other people. I do not want a record contract so it is pure folly to enter the competition.

However

However, what I did think was that it wouldn’t do me any harm to get a little publicity. If I made it through to the TV stage I may sell a few cds, perhaps get asked to do a session or two, get some nice paid gigs, so don’t judge me as harshly as I do.

It all seamed so simple, create a little profile, load up some songs, get through the voting stage, audition and then THEN appear on television TELEVISION I TELLS YA!!!

Here, my dears, is the rub.

Here is where everything is stacked in the teen bands favour although the website, nay Jo Whiley herself, is very keen to include singer songwriters.

This is how it SHOULD work. Punters, that is you dear dear people, go on to my page on the Orange Unsigned webpage and vote for me, in an easy and stress free way. Click on a little box or sum such. Then, all the votes are counted up and the ones that have the most go through to the next round. Yeah?

No.

Before Peter Punter can do anything he has to create a profile of his own.

To expedite this he has to supply his email address to where a confirmation email is sent. He then has to activate his profile by clicking on the link in the email.

With me so far?

Next, he browses some of the 600 or so acts on the website. He can go straight to mine but no body is going to do that unless they know me.

Once he finds an artist that he likes he then selects of their tunes and clicks on a button that adds that track to his “mixtape”.

Yes “mixtape”

Punters as well as acts build up a mixtape of different artists and the artists that appear in the majority of mixtapes would seam to make it through to the next round.

Innovative?

Clever?

Well

What I have found is that there are many punters types with their mixtapes but they all tend to feature one artist i.e. the band that they are in.

Acts like me, there are many, don’t generally have hoards of fans/friends that are web savvy enough to jump through the hoops one has to jump through to be able to vote on this shit heap of a site. Most of my friends don’t have myspace, read blogs (bastards!), and subscribe to anything other than the local newspaper every week. They don’t like giving their email addresses (if they even have one and even if they do never check them, bastards!) for fear of some anonymous hacker stealing their soul. So the chances of me registering more than one vote (thanks Mrs Nick) are pretty slim to nothing.

I will post a linky badge thing so you can go and have a look but I won’t blame you if you don’t bother, honest I won’t

And I promise I won’t do anything so foolish again…..honest…

Get Out Of London!!

Seriously, if you’re an artist trying to garner any kind of success then get out GET OUT!!.

 

Let me start at the beginning. Assume that you are a singer/songwriter type. You want to play in a nice place, sell cds to strangers, get people you don’t know to come to your other gigs and possibly have sex with beautiful women.

 

My experience is that unless you have connections you will play empty dives in the middle of housing estates, obscure expensive bars no one goes to,  acoustic nights in noisy bars that empty as the previous acts and their many friends depart after their “stint”.

For this London rock en Roll experience you will be paid fuck all.

“Promoters” of such events will not publicise you nor will anyone ANYONE wander in hungry for live original music except drunks and junkies who wouldn’t get served anywhere else.

 

You will not sell any cds and beautiful women will definitely not lay you. 

 

So my advice would be get out of London.

Come and play out here in the country.

Come and play at great places like Chaplins in Boscombe.

Lovely, enthusiastic women like Fiona will great you, shake you by the hand and be pleased to see you.

James the pianist and sometime sound guy will make a point of coming over and asking what you need and offer you a free drink.

Other performers will be talented and passionate and friendly, swapping places to play and being generally “chummy”

Ok, you won’t get paid as it is a free venue but you will play to a respectful, appreciative and enthusiastic audience that you didn’t have to bring yourself.

You will get your photograph taken and even a video of your songs to be put on the venue website.

Hopefully they will ask you back to play a longer set eh Fi?

You may take a beautiful woman home.

You may even be already married to them!

 

 

 

By the way, if you continue to thrash that dead horse that is ‘The Londin”you may as well busk, you’d play to more people possibly sell a few cds. You might even get laid!

The Beggars Fair 2008

I wasn’t filled with optimism when I first entered The William IV.

There was a 5-piece covers band in full swing, well a kind of swing, playing in a neutral oblong room with an audience of about 15.

Do I have anything against cover bands,  I do as it goes.

Not cover bands per say. Some would argue that the London Philharmonic play covers. It’s the “pop” or what was once pop/rock/country/fridaynightdownthepubhighhosilverlining type cover bands.

I’ve played in them. It’s a soulless occupation and you go home with your £50 hating yourself. Well ….. I did.

It wasn’t my past shaming me, well perhaps a bit, but the fact that I was on straight after.

If one has been enjoying the regurgitation of old Cliff tunes or tapping ones foot to singsong Beatles classics, then this git with the guitar with too many strings, singing you his stories of old loves lost, sexually predators ect is just going to irritate you.

But, I could not have been more wrong!

The scary guy who owned the PA (think the replacement drummer in The Commitments) was very helpful. He sorted me out sound wise, well I plugged everything in and twiddled a few knobs optimistically until Debs gave me an “OK” nod , but he was friendly non the less.

 

Now for this gig I had moved away from the usual set list idea. I had listed all the songs I was happy playing live, but I had used illustrator to cunningly put them haphazardly on the page. This way I could just chose whatever song I felt at the time would work. It was a great idea and one that I’m going to continue using.

 

I stayed away from some of the slower songs and kept it bluesesqe.

I went down pretty well with a few folk poking their heads round the door from the garden/smoking area from time to time. I even played my new cover “little sister” which went down a treat.

 

On to The British Legion, yes I shit you not! As already mentioned, in my tawdry past I have played the odd ‘Legion/Conservative club (ha!) etc so even with the memories gently emerging, I kept optimistic and decided I was going to , as our ‘Merican friends call it “Kick Ass”.

The British legion in Romsey is a little like what I imaging a cruise liner to be, big bar, plush carpets, nice toilets and full of old people.

A lot of old people, wall to wall. Suits and ties and flowery dresses.

There were a few younger types but they stayed mostly in the patio/garden area.

And then THEN there was my audience. Loverly they were. Sitting close and tapping tables and clapping at the right places. I had only just played the ‘William” so I was good to go. I had considered dropping a few of the more risqué songs: One Night Stand, Pale Moonlight (“turn me over ‘cos I like it like that!) but then as most of the oldies couldn’t hear anyway, I played them.

I could see a couple sitting straight in front of me where very into me. they looked oddly familiar but I let that pass. After my set, (I must say I was pretty good) the lady, well I would say girl as she looked about 19 but the guy she was with looked about 30 but who am I etc…..WELL she came up and asked if I had a cd for sale?

“Me? A cd? Of course I have a cd, I have one just here along with about 10 others that I’ve never sold ever before at a gig, yes NEVER SOLD A CD AT A GIG BEFORE!

I did feel a little pang as I handed over one of the cds that had, over the last few months, has become a friend and a comfort to me in times of stress.

“ A special festival price of £5” I spluttered.

Ha!

So, my chest bursting with pride and a spring in my step, we ventured forth to see the wonderful Louche Manouche down at The Melting pot stage. 

Some of you more eagle eyed readers may have read my Beggars Fair blog from last year ( I think it's further down the page). This year daughter was left at home with the internet baby sitting her and mrs Nick was asked to ignore me, let me get to the gigs in my own time and my own way and not to "whoop" whilst I, the great maestro, is performing. This she did admirably and looked damn sexy all day!

All in all a good day. 

I don't mind this gigging lark, I'm going to do a few more.

 

Apropos nothing, the phrase

 

“God made Adam and Eve, NOT Adam and Steve” appears to indicate that if you can make a bullshit rhyme, then that gives it some kind of truth.

 

“God made Adam and Eve not Julian and Sandy”