Chaplins....I should have known, all the signs were there.

I should have done this gig a month or 2 ago but the person that ran it had a great tragedy and decided she couldn't carry on, so I got cancelled.

Bugger!

Shame, it was a nice place to play.

Then I got an email telling me that Jase was now promoting and after a few back and forth email he booked me.

We arrived (Mrs Nick and me) a little early only to find that there had been a flood and that the gig would now take plae in the cellar bar underneath Chaplins. I did think "Food upstairs yet downstairs is dry?" but carried on regardless.

Jase is a friendly soul, he runs other venues in Bournmouth and has a gentle relaxed way of working so I felt at ease and pretty chipper.

The place did have an odd feel to it, the crowd all seamed to be hidden away round the corner and no one around the "stage" (read balconey see pic).

It felt a little wierd to be plugging in and it was cramped fitting the mic stand and leads aropund the chair etc etc etc you get the picture.

Well finaly it was time to begin, Mrs Nick had been joined by 2 hairy student types who sat alone at a table next to Jase.

I was a little unsure about about playing a ballad first but I cracked in to "I just Can't Get Happy" nevertheless. I was a bit unsteady and didn't as good a job as I had hoped but it picked up towards the end. As I played the last chord I looked up to see the reaction form the "crowd" and was greeted by the sound of.....well fuck all really. Mrs Nick just kind of looked at me with a "er?" look on her face. 

I wasn't expecting rapturous applause but I though a little clap and a cough wouldn't go amiss.

This non reaction continued for the next 4 or 5 tunes, I sort of zoned out into my own little world. I made the decision to play the best gig I could despite the flat reaction. To be fair Jase, hairy students (2) made the right faces whilst I was playing, Jase giving me the occasional reassuring nod and Mrs Nick smiled in a "What the fuck?" kind of way.

Then came the pissed women. 

Now 90% of the audience where hidden round the corner of the bar and couldn't see let alone hear me, but as the night (it seemed a very long night) progressed the odd drunk woman leered around one of the pillars to see what that noise was (me). Eventually one of them employed the same "Kestrel" principle as the drunk in the Eclipse 

and tried to focus on me as I ripped into "That Woman" the results of wich you canhear on the video cunningly inserted below.

I finished the set early, I couldn't see much point in carrying on, I'm no prima donna (anonymous, take note you shit!) but I had travelled 30 miles and was doing this gig for no money to an audience of 4 one of them being my wife, so.....

Jase seemed pleased regardless and offered me some more gigs at the other venues that he runs in and around Bournmouth, so not a total waste of time. I would like to just mention tat Jase was a star throughout and was totally unfazed by the lack of audience.

On the drive home Mrs Nick and I reran the gig as we usually do and decided that no one would have roused that crowd and that we put it down to a one off odd one. Mrs Nick commented that, ironically, I had given one of my best ever performances (bless her) and if people weren't into it fuck 'em!

So there it was....

No 

Not at all.

Those shits.

What then followed was 6 days of depression and self doubt.

Yes, I had played well (had I?). Yes the songs are great (are they?) How did the second band get on? We hadn't stayed for them. Did they bomb too? Who knows?

It's tough sometimes, you sit and write and craft the songs you try and believe that you're worth it. You rock up to a strange place full of people that you don't know and you sit there and push these tunes out and hope ...........

It's the self belief that's what you (I) have to have otherwise you (me again!) may as well stay at 

home and strum on your own.

So I lost it at Chaplins, but I got it back. 

I WILL lose it again and again I know I will, that's the way I am.

In other news I have become a great fan of Matt Stevens

of whom I will talk about next time. Check him out.

Now enjoy the video.....dum dum dum......